so this is the new year

fooled you.....this isn't actually a normal end of year post

weird times for sure...like really

lots of learning

lots of pain

lots of happiness

not as much positive as i'd hope

you gotta know when to hold em.....gotta know when to fold em

it's that point in my "game" that i need to fold em

just walk away and run

it's just not my thing and it was fun while it lasted

i may have lost this battle but in the end i'll win the war

with that said, i gotta know when to hold 'em

found some things to "hold" and i don't plan on letting them go

Goals for 2009: (list i came up with)

ski 50+ days this season (12 currently)
-ski the bowl
-huck a cliff
-ski at least 3-6 times a week
get down to 240
get at least a 3.0 this semester
hike timp by the end of the summer
move out
pay off my truck
keep up my vegetarian ways
dread my hair (optional)
grow a beard (pending)
stay at Backcountry.com
-get employee of the month
learn to flyfish
learn to rock climb/boulder better
backpack/camp at Brighton at least 2 nights
go mountain biking more
don't eat fast food (unless on vacation)
buy a dog
coach austin's (my cousin's) football team
make my own hoodie
develop a new dish (cooking)
learn something NEW

*IMPORTANT*
Stay positive
No breakdowns
Enjoy my family
Keep good influences in my life
Be a good son, brother, cousin, nephew and friend
STAY HAPPY
Change in body, mind, emotions and spirit


kind of lame but instead of a new year's resolution, it's more of 2009 goals

some are going to be hard and will need assistance along the way from good people in my life

some are going to involve pushing away

good things come in small packages/subtle ways

things happen for a reason, karma karma karma

you're more impactful than you might think

it's always in the back of my head

i wouldn't give any of it up...even the bad

made me learn

....might be too late

i'll be doing my best and i'll see you soon...

amazing the emotion that i feel

my family is wonderful

more respect than i could imagine

i never want to let you down

somewhere a clock is ticking...

i need something to look forward to

in between isn't a good state

you're so much like me....i'm sorry

it was a sad christmas for me too bro

i'm happy you didn't follow me in all ways

being a role model feels good

i'll keep an eye on them

let me tell you the years go by and we're still fighting it

7/11 hot chocolate isn't as near as good as starbucks

you make me laugh

enjoyable to say the least

so weird to be back here

therapy for the mind

snow is beautiful, calm and romantic

i needed that, i need it

soothe my soul





i love you all, goodnight

peace and love.

-aaron

seriously

rude people piss me off

there's no need to freak out at me because you waited to do your christmas shopping a week before christmas.

yes, you have to pay for upgraded shipping to get a package there by christmas.

no, i'm not going to give you the price we had on a jacket that was on sale 2 days ago.

no, i won't give you free 2-day shipping.

you can call me unprofessional and unethical and bad at customer service, but i'm doing my job correctly. if someone else in the company does it for you then good for them, they're not following company guidelines.

yes, i think you're an asshole.

sorry, just needed to vent a little bit after last night....it was a rough night at work

see you soon

some days i really do miss you like crazy bro

you really are the brother i never had

today is one of those days

when my ipod decides to play all the songs that remind me of you

chiodos, chariot, limbeck, kenny rogers, the honorary title...

seeing other people come back makes me even more antzy/excited

6 more months...

i sound like a girl

enough with that

i love snow

everything about it, so peaceful, so serene, so happy

it's nights like this i wish i had a girlfriend, snowy outside, fire going in the fireplace, just chillin on the couch

it'll happen, just gotta wait it out

christmas is a fun time of year, i love it, lights on the houses, christmas trees on and bright, christmas music wherever you go, snow on the ground, so many people are happy

dealing with customers this time of year is GENERALLY a good experience, for the most part they're all just asking simple questions about gifts, it's nice

t-minus one month and counting for school

i gave my life, i gave my all

10+ ski days already this year

so what, guess what, i'm having more fun and i'm gonna show you

we need to find the source of the warming

been working on a poem/song.....definition

wish i was with my family, stupid work

change happens

drifting, nothing in common, somewhat depressing

need someone to ski with

birds are leaving over autumn's end

a new year, a new attitude, start it on a good note

i like cooking

tofu

in slow motion the blast is beautiful

i like my camera

nice people at the store are great

everybody knows it sucks to grow up

i have to work Christmas Eve and Christmas :(

the years go on and we're still fighting it

the hot tub is stellar

my parent's house is cozy

need to leave, get out there

do my thing

i need a dog

how do you define yourself?

what makes you...YOU?

20 years is a long time but just a start

so much more to learn

so confused with what i want

conflicting sides, pros and cons

to my surprise my eyes were already wide and open

and each person i encountered i couldn't wait to meet

sometimes i wonder what people are doing

what motivates such young people to get married

true love? seems like a myth sometimes

love is like a role that we play

too much pain in the world

pessimist

i'm gonna try and make you laugh

i still remember what i said that day, just pretended to forget

i won't forget and still mean it

young, naive and scared/scarred

i'll miss my cousin when he's on his mish

everyone and everything starts today

let's keep it together

i have a larger support group than i think sometimes

need to open up more, too secretive

fa sha brah.......word haha

i can see a lot of life in you

i want to dance

i need a good drive...next weekend

i find thigs beautiful that others don't

now there's a turnbout, maybe because i'm trying

just can't turn and walk away

good times were had, i'll admit that

never have i ever, waterfall, thumper

words i've never heard coming from your eyes

cavanaugh park still remains at the top

i do miss you sometimes

you always said destiny would blow me away

i need my own cavanaugh park, i think brighton is the closest place
someplace for me to be terribly happy

long free flowing blogs, run out, clear the air

some things never do change :)

things happen for a reason

karma is a bitch

take that

toned down my swearing noticably lately

....be proud

one word for the new year...change

all aspects, all areas, all disciplines

physical, mental, emotional, spiritual

it comes for you, snapping at your heels

running out of thoughts

goodnight my loves, enjoy yourselves

....i'll see you soon

peace and love.

-aaron

ps: don't read to much into this, just random thoughts late last night while listening to music at an inhumane level

mother superior jumped the gun...

Happiness is...

a peanut butter and jelly/honey sandwich while driving up the canyon

driving up the canyon

bob marley

phone calls with my dad about skiing

2 skis, 2 poles

a snow covered slope

Brighton ski resort

powder shots

smiling through the cold

the pain and tension in your legs after a day of skiing

my knees hurting from skiing

working with people that you enjoy

working a job that you love

getting praise

seeing other people happy

an email from a good friend

plans to go skiing with an old friend

writing a blog

listening to good music

dinner with my mom

green tea

a veggie burrito

knowing people care

caring about other people

Today was a good day :)

peace and love.

-aaron

score!

i'm no longer in a fight with mother nature

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

what it is, what it do

free flowing thought time! ready........go!

human beings are fickle fickle creatures

all we are is another species in this wondrous thing called the universe, nothing more, noting less, no greater than any other animal

there's a direct correlation between people that wear hollister and people that are unhappy, this was studied and verified upon research at disneyland

disneyland is a fun place until you get sick of all the people

people even in the simplest of places will lie, cheat and steal their way to the top or the front, anything really that gives them an advantage

i have a really big obsession with hoodies right now, just a zip-up hoodie can make me happy right now

i need to quit spending money if i plan on moving out soon

i found some places to move out, we'll see how it pans out

i'm officially in a fight with mother nature until further notice, i'll let you know when the fight ends

i need some new hats, i'm thinking seattle mariners or LA Dodgers, i dig it

there's nothing better than a cold glass of water, no matter what the situation

i like vegetables right now, probably at an absurd level

good friends are fun, being comfortable is a plus as well

who knew that beets and chocolate could be combined into a work of art and tastiness? i'll tell you who, The Food Network

i like cooking, anyone need a homemade dinner?

i don't have good stories, i need more movie-like situations in my life

with that being said, i'm going to marry an animal and see how it pans out, it could be a full series! .......with a lot of complaints

oh relationships, funny funny things

at this point it's completely out of our hands

supposedly i've become more chill and laid back in the past little while, i'm not really sure how it happened, i like it though, i'm not uptight anymore like i used to be

you just gotta let those rocks roll off your back

enjoy the moment for what it is

not everything has a meaning all the time

sometimes things just happen and shouldn't be thought in to, take pleasure in it

my job rocks, i rock at it

i'm rad, you're rad, let's hug

i'm actually starting to get excited for school.........did i actually just say that? someone hit me

peanut butter and honey sandwiches are heaven after a work out

i haven't been able to sleep the last couple of nights

maybe i'm thinking too much about things

me think........ha

my family is awesome, extremely easy to get along with and have a discussion with, maybe i'm the only one that thinks that

gas is $1.40 in So-Jo.......i might cry out of happiness

i need someone to spend money on since i keep buying myself things

i have funny/good christmas ideas for people, i make myself laugh sometimes

i practiced Guitar Hero today......64,000 is unacceptable

lest we remember indiana jones pinball and 7,500,00

haha :)

good days aren't so few and far between these days

i like it

i like this feeling

i like blogging

first impressions aren't important

keeping up an impression is hard to do but my goal with people

changing impressions isn't easy but it's doable

i feel like an apple

tangent is gone, Iron Chef took my attention

i love you all, you're all great people

peace and love

-aaron

and for a minute there, i lost myself

to be honest, i have no idea what i'm blogging about. i just kind of felt like sitting down and typing then seeing what comes of it.

do you ever wish you could be someone else just to see what goes through their head and why? i've been thinking about this a lot lately and i really don't think i would enjoy it. sure it would be fun for a while, but it would start to feel invasive even if you were "meant" to be there.

i've been really big into radiohead lately, i'm not sure what it is, but it's awesome. i really dig radiohead and the way their music makes me feel.

so it's kind of cool having an older brother figure like rob in my life. i feel like he's the big brother that i never had and i'm excited for him and angie to move back to salt lake so we can start doing stuff together.

with saying that, i'm also excited for them to have kids. i love little kids, it's kind of weird almost. i don't want to get married or anything but i want to have kids way bad. i just love the innocence of them and how much fun they can be. that's what i love about hanging with my little cousin austin, i'm such an influence on his life and i love it!

i really want to teach a little kid to ski or snowboard.

work is sort of kind of stressful right now with the number of people that are on the website at one time asking the stupidest questions known to man. people that don't even participate in outdoor activities could answer these questions most of the time.

working in customer service has made me realize, some people are just not happy....EVER. it's kind of sad actually. you try and cheer people up and they still are complete jerks. it makes me want to ask them "what's so bad in your life?" "you're buying a $500 pair of skis and you act like it's the worst thing in the world." it's crazy. some people just need to live a little sometimes and be happy.

i'm completely and utterly in love with the food network. i watch in entirely too much for a 20 year old guy. i love the channel though, so many awesome things on there.

i really need it to snow. clearly we're being punished for something, i'm sorry mother nature, i take all the blame on my shoulders. i apologize for whatever this state did to you. it was probably that guy i saw throw a bag of mcdonald's out his window today.

sometimes i actually think there was a Karma Police, it would be so cool to have someone enforcing Karma. although i do feel like it's a real thing because you always get what's coming to you in the end. i've been on the receiving end of some bad karma in my day, it's chill though.

you ever had that feeling like you're being a hypocrit but you know that you're doing the right thing in doing so?

sometimes i feel like my words fall upon deaf ears. either my words aren't worth hearing or i need to find a new audience. it's probably my fault for having "deaf ears" for so long. i don't belong here.

but in so many ways i do, my family is here. my true passions in life are here. i thought people in Utah were so lame for so long but some of the best people i know are part of those people i used to consider lame. where would i be without their influences in my life? you're right, probably dead or in jail.

i've never been one to rely on other people, but i've come to realize, other people keep me sane. interaction with people i enjoy keeps me sane. there's nothing i would give up for the chance to talk with some people any day of the week.

christmas is just around the corner and i seriously am way excited about it this year. this is the first time in a long time i've felt in the Christmas spirit. it's more than just a time of year, it's a frame of mind.

i love people that are in tune with themselves. they know who they are and enjoy it. the cool thing is with each person when they come to embrace what and who they are it's what draws me in. i guess i'm attracted to confidence since i lacked it for so long.

i lost my train of though, stupid espn. so that means i'm done for the night. expect more in the coming weeks, i'm in a very thoughtful mood.

i love you all.

peace and love.

-aaron

no, i don't feel like i'm falling down....i'm headed somewhere

it's what it is. a thanksgiving time blog. blah blah blah.
i'm thankful for my family and all that they do for me. i'm thankful to have rob as the newest member of our family, he makes angie so happy and that in turn makes me happy. my mom and dad are two of the greatest people on earth. i couldn't ask for anyone better.

i'm thankful for my friends. thanks for putting up with me, there's not many that i talk to these days, but you're all great.

it's amazing how some of the little things in life make you happy and remember the good times and make you wonder why you pushed away. sa'll good, some things just happen.

i had a conversation tonight over tea and hot chocolate (with rachel) and we talekd about the whole marriage thing and it got me thinking...what is it with people our age getting married? no college, no careers, no care in the world except each other...it just boggles my mind, i mean i can honestly say i've never felt "true love" but i just don't see why getting married rigth away is better and easier than getting through college and into a job. i guess i'm of the minority in this great state of utah.

bah bah bah bah baaaaaah

i've got a skip in my step and a song in my heart these days. i haven't been this happy in years. i love it. life is good. life will always be good, just gotta look at the positive side. also you gotta treat people right and you'll receive the same, karma is a bitch and i've come to see that.

i've come to appreciate the finer things in life, good music, good food, good friends and most importantly family. i'm so grateful to be raised where i have with the people in my life. it's great.

skiing almost every day, going to a job that i love, holiday season, going to california next week, actually excited to go back to school....seriously, freaking stoked on my life right now.

i hope everyone is in the same boat. when you feel like you're falling down, just remember those good times and surround yourself with the comforts of your life. it sounds easier said than done, but i'm a true believer in that these days.

i've tried a lot of things in the past year and done a lot of things i shouldn't have, but where i'm sitting right now is where i want to be. got a couple more things i need to do but those will be another process over the next couple of months.

my vegetarianism is going great, i'm totally full on in it. the only meat i've eaten in the past little while is some seafood for thanksgiving which i promised my mom i would eat a little bit of "real meat".

this christmas is going to be awesome, this is the first year i've actually been into it and the whole giving mood. i'm excited to see my family's eyes on christmas morning when they open their stuff. sooooo stoked.

well now i'm just rambling, just wanted to throw out some positive vibes to all of you since i'm in such a good mood.

peace and love.

-aaron

what it do?

New updates in my life...skiing has started, i spend the majority of my time doing this.

I have a new love in my life, her name is Line Chronic 181 with a 90mm Marker Jester. She's beautiful (for those that don't know, those are my new skis)

I'm going back to school in the spring. Yay Marketing/Business Administration major!

Did I mention I love my job??? Yes? Well I thought I would reiterate the point.

Backcountry.com check it out for all your outdoor needs....#1 retailer on the web woot!

so i voted...i baracked it fo sho, you know how i do

i won't go into any political spills, but yeah, just a run down, happy about president, pissed about prop 8, pissed about buttars and chaffetz. that's the end of that.

b-to-the-ren comes home in like 6 months....can you say STOKED?? seriously though

i'm going to disneyland the week after thanksgiving, it's going to be awesome. me, rob, angie, mom and dad the happy roberts/haddock family.

rob and angie are now getting married in may which means i'm that much closer to spoling little nieces and nephews.

i had an epiphany the other day, i really want to have a kid, not illegitimate but like a real kid, i love the little tykes and want to teach one how to ski.

by the way, i'm holding open lessons this winter for anyone who wants to learn how to snowboard. if you're interested, let me know. i only charge your company on the slopes, but seriously who wouldn't want to hang out with me.

dating is stupid, i'm done with dates until i find a girl that i really like. seriously. it's just a waste of money for me when they're boring as shit or whatever else. that being said, i'm more than happy to take people that i know out to eat for some good conversation and laughs. if interested hit me up.

i've become so desensitized to thing it's not even funny i've decided. i can talk about the most obscene things and not even be phased by it anymore. it's kind of sad in a sense that's what our generation has come to. but in a way, i like it. it's make everyone a little bit more open with each other. being more open with each other is just another step towards equality in my book.

i'm going to bed because i'm going skiing in the morning so let me just say that i hope everyone has a great day/night, i wish good things to you and love you all.

peace and love.

-aaron

i'm gonna get in trouble, i wanna start a fight

so planning a wedding is super weird i've decided. even though i'm not planning it persay, it's just weird to think that in a year my sister and rob will be married and stuff. it's gonna be an epic wedding though, i'm stoked for sure.

so i'm reverting back to my vegetarian ways of earlier this year...i was kind of sad when i had to start eating meat again because my doctor said, but i talked to him again and he gave me ways to do it "right" this time.

so i'm entirely a sucker when it comes to everything. someone asks me to do something and i just do it without hesitation. i don't know if it's a bad thing (it is at times) but i really don't know what else to do really. i've tried the whole asshole thing before and it just wasn't me, so wo knows.

i invented a breakfast concoction and it's delicious. berries, banana, carrot juice and some yogurt. i threw in some wheatgrass today and it's great, i love it.

so i had my first day of "work" yesterday that wasn't training. it was fun, the nice thing about it is people are very rarely upset when they talk to me. they're usually just wondering about an order they placed or have questions about outdoors gear. looooooooove it whoo!

i'm such a home body these days. i feel like i'm just drifting away from people. i don't really talk to anyone anymore other than the occasional hello or what's up. everyone just found "new friends" which is awesome.

so i had a really awkward conversation with my extended family on saturday at Austin's football game. they seriously asked me "so if you're not going on a mission, why aren't you dating anyone? have you thought about getting married? are you going to be like your sister and wait until you're 24?"

--i really just didn't know how to answer that...the last question was extremely hurtful, like me and my sister are freaks because we didn't/aren't getting married at like 20-21. i realize it's abnormal in Utah but seriously? maybe I don't want to just date anyone, i'd rather find someone who i really like and shit. oh well, we've always been the outcasts of the family. at least they're actually talking to us now and not calling me the spawn of satan (my dad).

speaking of Austin, i'm taking him under my wing. his older brother (jordan) is such a douche it's not even funny. he doesn't do anything with him, so i find myself taking austin to dinner and mini golfing and stuff. i just feel like he needs an older brother type to lead him in the right direction in this crazy day and age. he's a stud on the football field though, he's gonna be a hell of an athlete when he's older.

just some quick one liners to end this random ass blog:

park city is such a cool place
im' obsessed with the new pink song
i love weight lifting
sexdrive is a damn funny movie
i have a crush on kate nash
i need some new music, anyone who has ideas let me know

that's it, i'm through!

peace and love.

-aaron

so this one time i blogged

i'm bored, so i guess i'll write a blog.

i've officially quit WoW. i know, i know, i'm a nerd.

i absolutely freaking love my new job. it's amazing.

it's so great to go to work and be able to talk about the things i love. skiing, snowboarding, hiking, camping, etc. not only do i get to talk to customers about it, but also my coworkers.

i'm getting less excited to work at home because i want to be in that environment, but it will be awesome nonetheless, plus i can move around in the company if i wish. the biggest thing is i get a killer discount, like 40-60% off basically, it's epic.

i went to brighton this week and oh my god i'm so excited. skiing is soooooooooooo close. i can't wait to get on the slopes again. my love and passion is so near.

i have officially been alcohol free for 3 weeks now. it feels kind of good not relying on it for fun. may not be a big accomplishment, but i thought it was neat.

blogspot rocks because it saves your blogs as you're writing them. (i just closed the window on accident and it saved.)

what else? it doesn't seem like christmas is right around the corner, it's crazy man. crazy shit indeed. dani party? i'm stoked.

that's it for tonight, i'm boring blah blah.

peace and love.

-aaron

this is a story all about how...

i watched the debate. that's all i'm going to say since everyone knows my stance on politics. i thoroughly enjoyed it at points and wanted to break an old man's shoulders (again) at other times.

so i've been taking these pills called Noxycut (after doing much research on the subject). it's a knockoff of Hydroxycut which is made especially for men. has some crazy ass metabolism increasers and caffeine to burn fat blah blah blah but it also has added creatine and tribulus (which is a form of testosterone). i'm going to be straight up and honest i've been super fucking hyped*** the last couple of days. i am noticing results though, which rocks. i'll probably die from them or something, oh well, as long as i look good.

i forgot how much i love weight lifting. i got really into it at the end of senior year (high school) and it really just makes me feel good. i hurt like hell right now but it's one of those good hurts. i've thought since high school i've lost some of my "intensity" but i think i'm starting to get my competitive edge back, which could be scary haha.

since i put my 2 weeks notice in, i have successfully done 0 work in 60 hours so far. man this is awesome.

tomorrow is my last day at west valley and i couldn't be happier.

i love facebook for stalking, it's great. gives me something to do with my day while at work.

i'll probably write something later.

peace and love.

-aaron

time and time again, we fall into the depths of who we are

snow. that's really all i need to say is snow. hell yes!

so let me first just say what has been on my mind lately. i think i'm done drinking for a while. after saturday night i really just don't have a desire to anytime soon. i was so hungover and sick on sunday it wasn't even funny. the thought of alcohol makes me ill.

between tony romo/dallas cowboys and brian johnson/utah utes i'm going to have a heart attack before this football season is over.

you all can judge me all you want, but i miss playing high school football so much.

i love watching my cousins play, (jordan is on the bingham team) austin is still in little league but he's a bad ass. he's going to be such a stud when he's older. he's 10 and he has had like 3 games of 100+ yards of rushing. i love that kid to death, we're buds.

halle-fuckin-lujah! it's my last week at West Valley. i'm going to celebrate so much on thursday. if anyone wants to join in on my celebration (which is still undecided) let me know.

i feel like going on a road trip. i wish i wasn't starting at backcountry so soon (next week) because i really want to go on a road trip to somewhere.

i'm excited to find some new friends when i go back to school/start the new job. i'm in a rut with my social life.

today i started my new diet/workout plan. i've had success so far (since january) and am looking to continue my weight loss to reach my goal. i've come to realize i'm never going to be hollister/abercrombie size but i'm okay with that, my body isn't made to be like that. my shoulders are far too broad to even come close.

i'm about 6'2 and looking to get to about 240 which for that height is a very height/weight proportional weight. i'm not looking to become super skinny but have more of an athletic look. i know most of you don't care although Dani is the only one that reads i think.

i need a new place to work out once i start at backcountry, i will no longer have access to the West Valley facilities. i'm thinking of going to Lifetime Fitness. i'll just have to go in the morning (before 2 pm) or after 10:30 pm.

i really want to go out for sushi and am willing to pay if anyone wants to go.

i guess i should get back to pretending to work. i mean seriously, i'm quitting what's the point in working?

peace and love.

-aaron

was that a wolf?

can i please just say how much i love camping?

i fucking love it. life is so simple when you're camping. i mean seriously, it's just you and nature. i especially like it now since i have a single tent so i feel like it's just me while i'm sleeping.

i went to yellowstone with angie and rob. those two are so in love it's not even funny. i just hope someday i can find what they have together. they just look so happy all the time.

angie is crazy sometimes, oh well.

saw a shit-ton of bison and elk but no bears.

i think the coolest thing were the wolves we heard last night howling and barking while they were chasing an elk (this is just speculation but we're pretty sure after talking to a ranger).

i'm a pyro. i love fire. i love starting fires.

i got attacked by a crazy piece of wood.

sometimes i feel like i'm in a fraternity because i have a motorcycle. our neighbors in the campground were on motorcycles and we turned into best friends.

someone destroyed the Obama sign in our yard. not to mention the fact that i got yelled at during a stop light because i support Obama.

"go spew your liberal propaganda elsewhere you hippie!" said the 30-something year old guy in downtown south jordan.

i politley said back to him "i wasn't spewing anything, i tastefully have an obama sticker on my truck that just says "hope" on it."

then he muttered something about socialism and kids these days don't know anything and i just smiled at him and threw a piece sign.

seriously, who does that?

it's a little upsetting actually. why can't everyone be like the nice ranger lady in yellowstone who was a McCain supporter but said to me "i'm genuinely happy to see the younger generation getting involved in politics even if we don't agree."

i kind of want to be a park ranger now after seeing them work for a couple days.

i applied at backcountry.com, i have an interview on tuesday and wednesday. i'm excited but extremely nervous at the same time.

more to come later this week, i'm sure.

peace and love.

-aaron

frustration?

2 torn ligaments.

awesome. at least they don't require surgery at this point in time. basically he told me though that i'll need surgery sometime within the next 5 years.

it hurts like hell, i'm not gonna lie.

why do things have to be so fucking complicated? that's really all i have to say.

where's the metaphorical "easy" button? i've heard so much about it. i don't have things to turn to that make things easier for me. instead i usually just put up with shit until it gets better or goes away.

i'm a sucker. no, really i am. i pour my heart out too easily and it just ends up biting me in the end. i trust too easily and that's not a good thing. i used to be one that would trust a lot of people with things but i really don't think i can do that anymore.

who honestly knows what's going to happen, right? i mean everyone thinks they have an idea, but no one can actually control it. kharma is a bitch.

money isn't everything. all it does is buy things. the things i need in life can all be obtained without money. i kind of wish it was never invented and everyone just bartered still.

my mind has been racing lately, as i'm sure you can see. i just have a lot of things to figure out. that's why i started writing in my blog again. it helps me to know that i can let all my thoughts and emotions out. it's almost even more helpful knowing people i care about can read deep into my head.

i've been pretty distant lately.

it's just hard to say how i feel today when years have gone by.

peace and love.

-aaron

i followed suit and laid out on my back....imagine that

blah.

no really, blah.

that's really about the extent of my emotions these days.

i feel like i'm just rolling through life, not even running or just walking but rolling. every little bump that comes along it forces me in a different direction. one long/endless roll that makes me dizzy. as my head is spinning i feel that i need to make the big decisions in my life.

i know i'm only 20, but i feel like now is the time i need to stand up and start walking. quit rolling and take lead in my life. instead of bumps and obstacles pushing me in the other direction i'll walk over them.

i'm going back to school. it only took me a year to figure out that is the next move in my life. i wish i would have taken that year right out of high school instead of wasting 1 1/2 years of money and time.

marketing.

wanted to do it since high school, it's the only thing that has been a constant in the back of my head. sure i won't make a difference in anyones life or make a lot of money, but i feel like i'll enjoy it.

that's what i need right now is to enjoy the things i do. i've been so depressed since high school more or less. i don't know if it's more or less depressed as it is repressed. i don't know. i feel like i've grown up but at the same time i haven't.

i try to pretend that it's easy for me to meet new people. but it's not. i'm comfortable with the people i have in my life right now, but i know i need to get out and meet people. i also need to patch some old friendships and relationships that i dearly miss.

i need to find a new job. i'm finally over the whole engineering/cadd thing. i hated it and couldn't be happier with my decision.

i feel like i'm home now, like i'm coming around from a trip. not an actual trip, but more of a metaphorical trip. it was nice, but it's even better to be home.

my sister is "officially" engaged. whoo hoo. cheer. blah blah blah.
-i guess it's not as exciting since she's been living with the guy for a year now.
-i like Rob a lot, he's a good guy. like the brother i never had.

i have potentially torn ligaments in my ankle, i found out for sure this week. hopefully i don't need surgery.

i'm looking forward to winter, i don't want, i NEED to start skiing again. hopefully i can with this whole ankle thing.

i hope the best for everyone. give me a hint if you read this, i just want to know who my audience is.

peace and love.

-aaron

the lines became all fuzzy and frayed

i don't like change.

it doesn't matter what it is, but if it's changing i don't like it.

i went to brighton today and was deeply saddened. so many things from when i was a little child have changed.

it's that time in everyone's life where things just start to be different.

summer nights are enjoyable when you're with family and friends. i really enjoy my back patio a lot. it allows for seamless conversation that can go on for hours that includes laughs and sometimes tears. a cigar with my dad every once in a while is a nice treat as well.

i'm excited for the factor to come home. it's been 2 years and i couldn't be more happy to have another friend in my life. now if only that dang williams kid would just come home early haha.

i've lost 50 pounds since the end of january, that's pretty exciting.

all in all life is okay right now. i just need a break to clear my head.

goodnight.

the moon whispered as i wandered lonely through the leaves

i'm sorry.

sometimes we all get fed up and need to vent. sometimes things that you don't really mean can become misconstrued and hurtful. also some "friends" in that context are cousins.

we've all said things we don't mean in the heat of the moment.

i've got a lot on my plate that i try to hide.

2 aunt's have cancer, a mother diagnosed with Reynaud's and possibly Lupus, new responsibilities at work, struggling with myself and family

it became overwhelming and i became angry and had to lash out in the wrong way.

take this as you please. if this is the end, have a good one. if not, then it is a beautiful day to you and everyone.

peace and love.

hmmmm

I guess I'll just keep my blogs to my personal journal from here on out, peace.