so what? it's my life ain't it?

another very restless night where i couldn't sleep but this time i didn't stay up all night

i'd like to say i'm not confused but in all reality i am....i really really am

not really sure how to take it, too afraid to ask

new changes in my life, so far so good, can't complain

we can discover the wonders of nature rolling in the brushes down by the riverside

some days i think that i wish i was married....i'm being honest, i really am so sick of being single
-i want to have that thing married couples have
-love maybe?
-to know that you have someone in your life that you care about more than anyone else even above yourself and that they feel the exact same way
-there's no way i'm ready to be married but i'm willing to give it a go if i were to find the right one

i'm not very witty lately, i've been in a very serious mood, i'm not really sure what to make of it

my mind just went blank so i'm done for now...

perhaps more later

peace and love.

-aaron

i think about the years i spent just passing through

weird mood tonight.

didn't sleep at all. wasn't tired. way too much on my mind.

i really just don't know where i'm at.

i thought i had it figured out, but life just throws those curveballs at you, ya know?

i keep coming back to the same conclusion though.......

i think that i could be completely and utterly happy living in a cabin in the mountains with two dogs and working just an odd job at a ski resort or local resort restaurant.

i don't think i'm cut out for this whole "life" thing. i'm not going to be a contributing member of society, i have so many other things that are more important than to give back to the machine that is "society"

what do i need to do to make you see? i want you to so bad.

can't say i've felt like this in a long time. very odd.

i need a good drive. turn the music up, the windows down and just drive.

so many conflicting thoughts, ideas and views on everything. how can they all coincide?

5:01:19 AM
Friday, October 16, 2009

what am i doing?

my life has rocked up to this point, looking through so many things in my past.
i really don't think i would change it at all.

everything happens for a reason and karma is a bitch.
do good unto others and have good done unto yourself.

life is just so complicated in this day and age. i need to simplify.

love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart.

a slow mellow, steady river flowing through a quiet meadow. no rushing, no distractions. tributaries feeding the constant flow of the river like a an ever hungry beast. no outlet, just a constant mellow flow. easy and regular.

i need a waterfall, i need a rocky bottom, narrowing and steep. i need somewhere for this steady flow to go. there needs to be an outlet. i know what/who/where it is but am i just too scared?

yes.

we don't understand it, we probably never will.
it's so hard to tell what's going on.

are some things better on the other side?

i just found out there's no such thing as the real world.

5:18:33 AM
Friday, October 16, 2009

mental blocks are killing me.

-tributes to my friends

i miss you.

have fun.

wish i could tell you how i really feel.

you mean more than you will ever know.

you know me better than anyone else.

i love you like a brother.

you've been such a constant, thank you.

you make me smile.

you're the best influence i could ask for.

you just.......get me.

my head hurts.

i love you all.

peace and love.

-aaron