i think about the years i spent just passing through

weird mood tonight.

didn't sleep at all. wasn't tired. way too much on my mind.

i really just don't know where i'm at.

i thought i had it figured out, but life just throws those curveballs at you, ya know?

i keep coming back to the same conclusion though.......

i think that i could be completely and utterly happy living in a cabin in the mountains with two dogs and working just an odd job at a ski resort or local resort restaurant.

i don't think i'm cut out for this whole "life" thing. i'm not going to be a contributing member of society, i have so many other things that are more important than to give back to the machine that is "society"

what do i need to do to make you see? i want you to so bad.

can't say i've felt like this in a long time. very odd.

i need a good drive. turn the music up, the windows down and just drive.

so many conflicting thoughts, ideas and views on everything. how can they all coincide?

5:01:19 AM
Friday, October 16, 2009

what am i doing?

my life has rocked up to this point, looking through so many things in my past.
i really don't think i would change it at all.

everything happens for a reason and karma is a bitch.
do good unto others and have good done unto yourself.

life is just so complicated in this day and age. i need to simplify.

love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart.

a slow mellow, steady river flowing through a quiet meadow. no rushing, no distractions. tributaries feeding the constant flow of the river like a an ever hungry beast. no outlet, just a constant mellow flow. easy and regular.

i need a waterfall, i need a rocky bottom, narrowing and steep. i need somewhere for this steady flow to go. there needs to be an outlet. i know what/who/where it is but am i just too scared?

yes.

we don't understand it, we probably never will.
it's so hard to tell what's going on.

are some things better on the other side?

i just found out there's no such thing as the real world.

5:18:33 AM
Friday, October 16, 2009

mental blocks are killing me.

-tributes to my friends

i miss you.

have fun.

wish i could tell you how i really feel.

you mean more than you will ever know.

you know me better than anyone else.

i love you like a brother.

you've been such a constant, thank you.

you make me smile.

you're the best influence i could ask for.

you just.......get me.

my head hurts.

i love you all.

peace and love.

-aaron