another very restless night where i couldn't sleep but this time i didn't stay up all night
i'd like to say i'm not confused but in all reality i am....i really really am
not really sure how to take it, too afraid to ask
new changes in my life, so far so good, can't complain
we can discover the wonders of nature rolling in the brushes down by the riverside
some days i think that i wish i was married....i'm being honest, i really am so sick of being single
-i want to have that thing married couples have
-love maybe?
-to know that you have someone in your life that you care about more than anyone else even above yourself and that they feel the exact same way
-there's no way i'm ready to be married but i'm willing to give it a go if i were to find the right one
i'm not very witty lately, i've been in a very serious mood, i'm not really sure what to make of it
my mind just went blank so i'm done for now...
perhaps more later
peace and love.
-aaron
Friday, October 30, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
i think about the years i spent just passing through
weird mood tonight.
didn't sleep at all. wasn't tired. way too much on my mind.
i really just don't know where i'm at.
i thought i had it figured out, but life just throws those curveballs at you, ya know?
i keep coming back to the same conclusion though.......
i think that i could be completely and utterly happy living in a cabin in the mountains with two dogs and working just an odd job at a ski resort or local resort restaurant.
i don't think i'm cut out for this whole "life" thing. i'm not going to be a contributing member of society, i have so many other things that are more important than to give back to the machine that is "society"
what do i need to do to make you see? i want you to so bad.
can't say i've felt like this in a long time. very odd.
i need a good drive. turn the music up, the windows down and just drive.
so many conflicting thoughts, ideas and views on everything. how can they all coincide?
5:01:19 AM
Friday, October 16, 2009
what am i doing?
my life has rocked up to this point, looking through so many things in my past.
i really don't think i would change it at all.
everything happens for a reason and karma is a bitch.
do good unto others and have good done unto yourself.
life is just so complicated in this day and age. i need to simplify.
love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart.
a slow mellow, steady river flowing through a quiet meadow. no rushing, no distractions. tributaries feeding the constant flow of the river like a an ever hungry beast. no outlet, just a constant mellow flow. easy and regular.
i need a waterfall, i need a rocky bottom, narrowing and steep. i need somewhere for this steady flow to go. there needs to be an outlet. i know what/who/where it is but am i just too scared?
yes.
we don't understand it, we probably never will.
it's so hard to tell what's going on.
are some things better on the other side?
i just found out there's no such thing as the real world.
5:18:33 AM
Friday, October 16, 2009
mental blocks are killing me.
-tributes to my friends
i miss you.
have fun.
wish i could tell you how i really feel.
you mean more than you will ever know.
you know me better than anyone else.
i love you like a brother.
you've been such a constant, thank you.
you make me smile.
you're the best influence i could ask for.
you just.......get me.
my head hurts.
i love you all.
peace and love.
-aaron
didn't sleep at all. wasn't tired. way too much on my mind.
i really just don't know where i'm at.
i thought i had it figured out, but life just throws those curveballs at you, ya know?
i keep coming back to the same conclusion though.......
i think that i could be completely and utterly happy living in a cabin in the mountains with two dogs and working just an odd job at a ski resort or local resort restaurant.
i don't think i'm cut out for this whole "life" thing. i'm not going to be a contributing member of society, i have so many other things that are more important than to give back to the machine that is "society"
what do i need to do to make you see? i want you to so bad.
can't say i've felt like this in a long time. very odd.
i need a good drive. turn the music up, the windows down and just drive.
so many conflicting thoughts, ideas and views on everything. how can they all coincide?
5:01:19 AM
Friday, October 16, 2009
what am i doing?
my life has rocked up to this point, looking through so many things in my past.
i really don't think i would change it at all.
everything happens for a reason and karma is a bitch.
do good unto others and have good done unto yourself.
life is just so complicated in this day and age. i need to simplify.
love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart.
a slow mellow, steady river flowing through a quiet meadow. no rushing, no distractions. tributaries feeding the constant flow of the river like a an ever hungry beast. no outlet, just a constant mellow flow. easy and regular.
i need a waterfall, i need a rocky bottom, narrowing and steep. i need somewhere for this steady flow to go. there needs to be an outlet. i know what/who/where it is but am i just too scared?
yes.
we don't understand it, we probably never will.
it's so hard to tell what's going on.
are some things better on the other side?
i just found out there's no such thing as the real world.
5:18:33 AM
Friday, October 16, 2009
mental blocks are killing me.
-tributes to my friends
i miss you.
have fun.
wish i could tell you how i really feel.
you mean more than you will ever know.
you know me better than anyone else.
i love you like a brother.
you've been such a constant, thank you.
you make me smile.
you're the best influence i could ask for.
you just.......get me.
my head hurts.
i love you all.
peace and love.
-aaron
Thursday, September 3, 2009
let's do this shit
school has started.
wait for it.......wait for it.........I ACTUALLY LIKE CLASS THIS SEMESTER.
-amazing I know
Biology
-awesome professor
Gender and Politics
-interesting people, interesting concept for a class
Enviromental Studies
-combing so many things that I love, plus some pretty cool people
Earth Environments
-Geographyish class that is online and pretty cool
what else is new in my life?
i'm done at Riverton City, whoooo, so sick of working construction related jobs
starting back at Backcountry on Sunday, stoked for a job that I actually LIKE
been in a big music mood lately, a lot of Grateful Dead, Franti and other chill/fun music
my roommate is weird, really weird, won't even talk to me
thinking of going veggie again, this time with some actual knowledge
i love my friends
"listen pal, I'm not your buddy"
kapssh! kapssh kapssh!
i love you all
peace and love.
-aaron
wait for it.......wait for it.........I ACTUALLY LIKE CLASS THIS SEMESTER.
-amazing I know
Biology
-awesome professor
Gender and Politics
-interesting people, interesting concept for a class
Enviromental Studies
-combing so many things that I love, plus some pretty cool people
Earth Environments
-Geographyish class that is online and pretty cool
what else is new in my life?
i'm done at Riverton City, whoooo, so sick of working construction related jobs
starting back at Backcountry on Sunday, stoked for a job that I actually LIKE
been in a big music mood lately, a lot of Grateful Dead, Franti and other chill/fun music
my roommate is weird, really weird, won't even talk to me
thinking of going veggie again, this time with some actual knowledge
i love my friends
"listen pal, I'm not your buddy"
kapssh! kapssh kapssh!
i love you all
peace and love.
-aaron
Saturday, July 11, 2009
i used to be cool
today i got in a weird mood and decided to look over all my old blogs, journals, xanga, etc.
i used to be "okay" at writing, now it's all the same, lame shit.
this is the bullet from a gun named "what the fuck"?
did i just grow up or have i lost all my creativity? who knows? i don't think it's the latter because i've started writing songs/bass riffs that are decent and go well. i'm also big into photography these days.
maybe i've just realized that i'll leave writing to my other friends like marcie, alison, alex, etc.
found a place to live, hooray! me and b-will, should be a good time. you'd better believe it! you'd all better come and visit/house warm. if not, i'll hate you.
i'm confused on a lot of things right now, oh well. that's how life goes i guess.
been in a big acoustic mood lately. one man, one guitar, gold. mason jennings, jack johnson, willy mason, etc. love
maybe i need to find a "significant other", i hate that term and everything that is associated with it. i feel like i'm becoming too selfish having been single/by myself for so long. i need someone to kick me into a sense of providing/caring for someone else that isn't a "friend or brennan" (yes they're two different categories)
i won't let this build up inside of me, the tension that i feel behind my eyes all day every day. not a pain, more of a catch in my throat. choke? torn into pieces. just a nagging insistence that something is wrong. what the hell is wrong with you? i feel the eyes and ears on me at all times, are they really there though? it isn't real. ....i can't maker them real
not really a torment but i do whatever i want to myself and i don't know what to do, it makes me sick. the unrequited dream
the song that no one sings, doesn't seem fair, now does it? nameless or just thoughtless? a combination of both? who the hell are you and why are you here?
we're not that different, me and you. just misunderstood....probably. butterfly.
it's the story that goes on and on. neverending, from the beginning of time till the nonexistant end. the end is near.
i try to be supportive but how can i? honestly, tell me. it just doesn't make any sense to me......at all. tell me something sweet to get me by. what's the point of it all? no one actually cares or accomplishes anything. just those motivated few that no one really likes deep down. pats on the back and cheers but what does it all mean?
what am i doing wrong? oh god, what the hell am i doing wrong? fuck it, it's not worth dwelling on. take it, leave it or shut up. you have no room to talk. blah blah blah
"she says wake up, it's no use pretending."
why so fake? really though, just trying to be different by being the same. individual? think again. just like the others, those others that i hate so much. jealous? not one bit. i feel bad mostly. so young, so lost, so similar. just be yourself, don't pretend. all a bunch of pretentious bastards anyway. jude me, hate me, mock me, it's like fuel, fuel for my bitter heart.
the confidence swells in me every day. more and more, accumulating in an infinite way. i dig it. keep it coming, bah bah bah bah bah.
bitter, lonely, scared, sad, dejected, lost, confused, emotionless, bastardly, anxious
...........but happy. yes, very happy indeed. i love my life. i love my family. i love my music. i love my friends. whether you be in south jordan, salt lake, riverton, murray, midvale, provo or out of state. i love you.....lots. i may not show it always but i miss those i don't see often and wish you were here at all times. you may read this or you may not but either way it doesn't matter.
venting done.
i love you all.
peace and love.
-aaron
i used to be "okay" at writing, now it's all the same, lame shit.
this is the bullet from a gun named "what the fuck"?
did i just grow up or have i lost all my creativity? who knows? i don't think it's the latter because i've started writing songs/bass riffs that are decent and go well. i'm also big into photography these days.
maybe i've just realized that i'll leave writing to my other friends like marcie, alison, alex, etc.
found a place to live, hooray! me and b-will, should be a good time. you'd better believe it! you'd all better come and visit/house warm. if not, i'll hate you.
i'm confused on a lot of things right now, oh well. that's how life goes i guess.
been in a big acoustic mood lately. one man, one guitar, gold. mason jennings, jack johnson, willy mason, etc. love
maybe i need to find a "significant other", i hate that term and everything that is associated with it. i feel like i'm becoming too selfish having been single/by myself for so long. i need someone to kick me into a sense of providing/caring for someone else that isn't a "friend or brennan" (yes they're two different categories)
i won't let this build up inside of me, the tension that i feel behind my eyes all day every day. not a pain, more of a catch in my throat. choke? torn into pieces. just a nagging insistence that something is wrong. what the hell is wrong with you? i feel the eyes and ears on me at all times, are they really there though? it isn't real. ....i can't maker them real
not really a torment but i do whatever i want to myself and i don't know what to do, it makes me sick. the unrequited dream
the song that no one sings, doesn't seem fair, now does it? nameless or just thoughtless? a combination of both? who the hell are you and why are you here?
we're not that different, me and you. just misunderstood....probably. butterfly.
it's the story that goes on and on. neverending, from the beginning of time till the nonexistant end. the end is near.
i try to be supportive but how can i? honestly, tell me. it just doesn't make any sense to me......at all. tell me something sweet to get me by. what's the point of it all? no one actually cares or accomplishes anything. just those motivated few that no one really likes deep down. pats on the back and cheers but what does it all mean?
what am i doing wrong? oh god, what the hell am i doing wrong? fuck it, it's not worth dwelling on. take it, leave it or shut up. you have no room to talk. blah blah blah
"she says wake up, it's no use pretending."
why so fake? really though, just trying to be different by being the same. individual? think again. just like the others, those others that i hate so much. jealous? not one bit. i feel bad mostly. so young, so lost, so similar. just be yourself, don't pretend. all a bunch of pretentious bastards anyway. jude me, hate me, mock me, it's like fuel, fuel for my bitter heart.
the confidence swells in me every day. more and more, accumulating in an infinite way. i dig it. keep it coming, bah bah bah bah bah.
bitter, lonely, scared, sad, dejected, lost, confused, emotionless, bastardly, anxious
...........but happy. yes, very happy indeed. i love my life. i love my family. i love my music. i love my friends. whether you be in south jordan, salt lake, riverton, murray, midvale, provo or out of state. i love you.....lots. i may not show it always but i miss those i don't see often and wish you were here at all times. you may read this or you may not but either way it doesn't matter.
venting done.
i love you all.
peace and love.
-aaron
Sunday, July 5, 2009
haven't been this happy in minutes
hmmmmmmmm.........not really sure what i'm doing but i'm doing it
4th of july? one of the best holidays EVER
fireworks, family, golfing, giant slip n' slides, freedom, LOVE IT
i love my brother in law, for sure, one of the coolest guys i know
so happy that Big B-ren, B-Will, B-Real, Williams, Brennanan, etc. is home
-may Brenaaron be together once again
-we're taking it to the next level, as an official announcement we are moving in together, apartment theme = UTAH
i'm in love with Mason Jennings, went on another spending spree on iTunes
-i have a problem
i've been in a really good mood lately though
new friends, new adventures are fun
old friends and the usual thing is even better
my cousin is going to Argentina on his mission, I'm so stoked for him
my wish currently? to have enough money to buy a house of my own and two dogs to go along with it, i'm thinking Sugarhouse/Holladay area
i really want to start a restaurant as well, the name of it will be Cardiac's....it's a solid idea, i'm a big fan
getting a tattoo, i'm so happy/excited about it
-called about an appointment today
"if you need a reason as to why you're here, you don't need to look farther than me"
you know that feeling you get that feels good but you don't want it to?
-ah hell who am i kidding
i think way too much about it to be completely honest
just go with the flow
Summer of Love 2009, not so great so far, i need to start working on it
i'm out of thoughts,
i love you all
goodnight
peace and love.
-aaron
4th of july? one of the best holidays EVER
fireworks, family, golfing, giant slip n' slides, freedom, LOVE IT
i love my brother in law, for sure, one of the coolest guys i know
so happy that Big B-ren, B-Will, B-Real, Williams, Brennanan, etc. is home
-may Brenaaron be together once again
-we're taking it to the next level, as an official announcement we are moving in together, apartment theme = UTAH
i'm in love with Mason Jennings, went on another spending spree on iTunes
-i have a problem
i've been in a really good mood lately though
new friends, new adventures are fun
old friends and the usual thing is even better
my cousin is going to Argentina on his mission, I'm so stoked for him
my wish currently? to have enough money to buy a house of my own and two dogs to go along with it, i'm thinking Sugarhouse/Holladay area
i really want to start a restaurant as well, the name of it will be Cardiac's....it's a solid idea, i'm a big fan
getting a tattoo, i'm so happy/excited about it
-called about an appointment today
"if you need a reason as to why you're here, you don't need to look farther than me"
you know that feeling you get that feels good but you don't want it to?
-ah hell who am i kidding
i think way too much about it to be completely honest
just go with the flow
Summer of Love 2009, not so great so far, i need to start working on it
i'm out of thoughts,
i love you all
goodnight
peace and love.
-aaron
Saturday, May 16, 2009
leave a message and i'll call you back
what it is!
i'm really really happy
school is over
found a job where i work outside
sister is getting married in a week
"my missionary" gets back in like 10 days....the dynamic duo will be reunited
motorcycle weather
mountain biking
awesome weather
"sweet like candy to my soul"
it's a new day, no matter how you look at it
why be sad/mad when you have life?
breathing, living, love
new brother, stoked
my garden is planted....so many vegetables
i love my family
happy to be so close with my aunt/uncle/cousins, love the Allens
i have full respect for people who give 2 years of their life to a cause
-i know you guys will do great (my cousin jordan and rachel)
-you have all my support, both of you
i wish all of my friends well, even if we don't talk as much or keep in touch, i still think of you
"we were just wasting time.........doing nothing for the fun"
going to see Dave Matthews at the Gorge in August?????? I hope so
haven't wrote a blog in a loooooooooooong time
it feels good
i want to have a dance party
been watching A LOT of Sportscenter lately
been outside a lot as well which makes me extremely happy
want to go hiking and need a buddy
Environmental Studies, new Major? looks like it
-teaching certificate as well
i'm rad, you're rad, let's hug
i love you all
enjoy your days
peace and love.
-aaron
i'm really really happy
school is over
found a job where i work outside
sister is getting married in a week
"my missionary" gets back in like 10 days....the dynamic duo will be reunited
motorcycle weather
mountain biking
awesome weather
"sweet like candy to my soul"
it's a new day, no matter how you look at it
why be sad/mad when you have life?
breathing, living, love
new brother, stoked
my garden is planted....so many vegetables
i love my family
happy to be so close with my aunt/uncle/cousins, love the Allens
i have full respect for people who give 2 years of their life to a cause
-i know you guys will do great (my cousin jordan and rachel)
-you have all my support, both of you
i wish all of my friends well, even if we don't talk as much or keep in touch, i still think of you
"we were just wasting time.........doing nothing for the fun"
going to see Dave Matthews at the Gorge in August?????? I hope so
haven't wrote a blog in a loooooooooooong time
it feels good
i want to have a dance party
been watching A LOT of Sportscenter lately
been outside a lot as well which makes me extremely happy
want to go hiking and need a buddy
Environmental Studies, new Major? looks like it
-teaching certificate as well
i'm rad, you're rad, let's hug
i love you all
enjoy your days
peace and love.
-aaron
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